As most of you had noticed, I went down for two weeks and thank you all so much for the well wishes! Well, I was up then down and pretty much like a yo-yo the entire time which is unusual for me, in what seemed like an eternity. If the black dog bites, he doesnt usually let me pop up for air. In fact he’s normally pinning me down with his jaws around my neck to stop me moving. So what’s changed? Truth is that I don’t know, more importantly I’m not over thinking it or worrying about it. I’ve accepted that I don’t know and moved forward. Not knowing something like that would normally drive me batty but I’m learning to accept the things I can’t change or do anything about. Freeing up more head space, allowing me to focus on other more pressing things. This is an improvement for me and a welcome one at that.
Rather than throw myself off the deep end like normal, I have taken my time re-integrating with the page again and only now starting to write and catch up properly. Basically I’ve been doing the opposite of my standard behaviours. It feels awesome to be such a total rebel! well, in seriousness though it’s refreshing to start thinking outside of the box again instead of being trapped within the confines of my own head. A very menacing place at the best of times.
Regrouping, Refocusing and Restarting as many times in life as you need to and it’s important to remember. As many times as it takes for YOU to be happy, NOT anybody else. Restarting sounds daunting just by the sheer nature of the word, but your true happiness should be more important and carry enough motivation with it. I just applied that to relationships there but you can apply it to any given task etc. If I’m going to restart a task though, I have to do it differently each time and always looking to improve on the last efforts. So yeah, I’ve taken my time coming back fully but I’m here now and feeling completely fresh.
The trick now though, is to not sink back in to working around the clock again for 5/6 days at a time. Instead, taking regular breaks and of course keeping a decent sleep/eat pattern. Those of you who know me well, will agree with the fact that I stand absolutely no chance of being able to stick to it but I’ll have a bloody good go anyway. If we aren’t trying to improve then we aren’t really living are we. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.
Something is bothering me though. I think I’m actually developing a serious fear of going to sleep. Waking up confused, scared and shaking but not knowing why I’m terrified, makes the whole thing more unsettling. If anybody has any great ideas then please put any suggestions in the comments below or drop me a private message! I do try every suggestion at least once so please don’t be shy, let’s hear it! After all, you might hold the key 🤔. I really have to get this sleep stuff sorted now, it’s gone on long enough and I really don’t want to go back on to the sleepers. I hate tablets and rattle as I walk most of the time. Anyway, Welcome! To our new members from all over the world, all corners and walks of life. I look forward to hearing some great new ideas to try out, as long as they’re legal in the UK of course. I’ll be back on the blog trail properly from tomorrow. Much love!
Till next time.