Day 48.  Amazing weekend mood! Even with a set back or two….The fight is still mine, at the moment..

Wow, so many new members here today! Thank you for joining me on my journey and welcome to the page!!

0615 hrs here on a beautiful Saturday morning in the UK. Without concerning myself or stressing about searching, I think this is roughly about day 7 or 8 that I’m riding the smooth positive highway. My mood is amazing still and motivated with enough energy to smash today out of the park! This only means one thing, he’s coming soon, I don’t know when, I don’t care, but you know it’s always when I least expect it and by surprise, no matter how much I anticipate it. For now though, I’m enjoying the smiles, great conversations with you folks and life in general.

Yesterday during conversation, I found myself being reminded on a few occasions, just how bad I was only a few short months ago, January to be exact. I couldn’t really get my head around the difference in such a short period of time. The first half of January I was still attempting suicide and self harming almost daily. The mental pain was torturous and self loathing so intense I harmed myself daily, normally with any sharp object I could find. Sometimes as crudely as with broken tile pieces or even sharp stone. You can’t find many knives sharp enough to slice your arms on the psych ward so improvisation and determination took over and if you want to find something sharp enough, you will. I’ve written previously about how it changed so I won’t go in to that. Point is, compared to then, I’m an almost unrecognisable person, completely different. Mind set, direction and focus are 3 of the things I’ve pinpointed as things I’ve noticed that are improved, to the point that I’m on new ground. This is where I’m grateful for the support you’ve all afforded me during what is essentially, an awakening. In these few months a lot has changed and at speed too!! It’s all snowballed only because I swallowed my pride, kicked fear in the teeth and forced myself to place the first post, speak up for the first time! Little did I know that decision, approximately 6 weeks ago, was to lead to me being in the driving seat of my journey and being in the situation now where I’ve absorbed enough knowledge and motivation to give me a fighting chance against that little shitbag Kujo. Through this very short period of time, the page, the support and I have grown. In fact we’ve grown together. To the point that we’re ready for a new home with a lot more to offer you beautiful people. We had a small set back yesterday and through no fault of our own, the website won’t be live until next week. Those of you that know me would’ve put money on it that the news would have sent me down almost immediately, those of you who were in touch with me yesterday will be first to admit, I was highly peeved to say the least, but turned it around pretty quick with the use of humour, fresh air and finding a positive spin on it. The positive spin was thanks to one individual whom shall remain nameless, as always, but has had a lasting impact on me the last few days, thank you!! So crisis averted, next week I have a spare website for another project (message any ideas please). Plus our site and App, both of which I built myself, being launched together and not staggered like originally planned. This extra few days grace means I can add a few more cool features to both that I’ve got saved in the grey matter ready to go! Watch for launch date

Now, how did it all happen? How have I gone from being scared of my own shadow? Locking myself away from the world, not being able to get out of bed most days, no personal hygiene, no human contact, no self respect or even the tiniest spark for existence. To achieving the level of focus, personal discipline, making routines my new habits, having a pretty well stocked armoury with useful tools for battle, coping strategies AND being able to help so many people in the messaging, over the phone, emails and in person by talking about my experiences over the last 4 years, from a sufferers point of view, things the Dr’s can’t and in some cases won’t be able to talk with you about, having such a great support network and building websites and apps myself. The answer is actually very simple. I TALKED ABOUT MY PROBLEMS!! Couple that with you amazing people and we all grew together.

I am only at the beginning of my journey though. I’m only just getting started in recovery, I still suffer badly, the black dog still attacks and the anxiety can at times be crippling. I still lose more battles than I win, but with your suggestions and ideas, I have a fighting chance, together we can show how the stigma is finished, how the support and acceptance are well in control of mental health illnesses today! I’ll leave it there for today, thank you for reading!

One last thing, my time is now getting very busy, if you’d like to talk with me, I’ll listen, it costs nothing, but I would appreciate you now using the appointment booking feature on the page. This will guarantee your space and help me keep things under control.

Have an awesome day!! Much love!

Till next time…


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