Day 31 of my fight back with mental health.

So much to say, not really sure where to start! Ok, I’ll start with the last 24 hours. Yesterday’s awesomeness didn’t end at me posting my blog. I went on to make a few new friends and enjoyed some brilliant chat, no names, as always but one in particular stood out. An Ex Dukie, yes again (can’t move for us lot these days) whom got in touch regarding my night terrors and offered a suggestion that some may or may not approve of. Aromatherapy. Burning Clary Sage oil for an hour or so before sleep in my bedroom, plus either rubbing it into my foot, or just my big toe. Now some of you may scoff at the idea of aromatherapy but I’ve had it suggested before and each and every time it’s come with top reviews, well this was the last time it was to be a suggestion. I’m going to try it, like I always say I’ll try everything once, if it doesn’t work fine, I tried, if it does, that’s another wicked tool for my box to utilise when needed. I’m going to need a bigger tool box at this rate!! Also whilst talking though, we got on to the subject of food. As most of you know (without blowing the trumpet) I know my way around the kitchen and look good doing it not!! But all of a sudden whilst describing my previous chef life I realised, and so did they actually, that I wrote passionately about it. I’d pushed all of those feelings aside during my worst times and had forgotten about them. Damn, just thinking about it now has my mind running faster than it has done, well, for years. Watch this space on that front. I see things possibly going toward that direction again in the future.

Today. Bloody tip top! If possible, even better than yesterday! Every day that I get up with no crappy thoughts, with motivation and perseverance is an absolute hands down victory!! The night was late, but I checked the weather at bed time, looked great, left the windows open and had the birds singing as the sun rose. Bit chic flick’ish but it was very cool and a slightly different approach to starting the day. The morning routine gets easier every day, now I fully understand, in the back of my mind that it won’t last forever but I’m going to ride the wave whilst it’s here. After all, I rode the crappy wave last weekend. In fact I’m not going to bother calling it the routine anymore. From now on, my new habits.

I pushed myself this morning a little further, instead of walking, I dragged my unfit ass on a run, no better day to try, sun’s out and when I went, hardly anyone around at all, which was awesome because all they’d have seen was a bloke running, but in Month Pythons funny walk style, out of breath and begging for mercy. Haha! In all fairness it wasn’t that bad, I managed a couple of miles or so, no timings to put up this time, but once I pick up my Fitbit later I’ll share the embarrassment!!

Purely by accident this morning I crossed paths with another school friend, after conversing a little he shared what I found to be quite a poignant song and it got me thinking. In it’s own way, it could be quite a good motivational tool as well. Here’s the link, not to everyone’s taste and I’m sure one or two of you will guess who passed it on, but no names please guys and girls….

Not so much the intro, but the words ‘I know how dark it can get’, really made me think back to how bad I really was, times when everybody I spoke to mentioned being able to see the pain behind my eyes. The days inventing new ways to kill myself, to self harm and the auto pilot self destruct. Well, unfortunately for you lot, a very brash nurse turned it around and I’m going no where!! I’m here now to enjoy every minute and spend the second half of my life enjoying every minute

Deep breath Daniel. I’d like to celebrate having completed a full month on the fight back and wanted to test the water first with you all, just to show you what you don’t see written here, the motivational messages, the thank you messages, the suggestions, ideas and the positivity oozing from you folk. I’d basically like, if consensus allows, minus ALL personal info of course, to give you a glimpse of how in some way you’ve all impacted my journey for the better. I really never thought that my ramblings on here would have the effect that it has and it all actually works towards removing the fear and stigma surrounding men speaking up. I’m humbled by it all and I’m using it as my driving force to , well of course get myself well too. Please let me know, if it’s a go then I will do a piece on it tomorrow.

Enjoy the awesome weather and as always any thoughts, comments or suggestions are most welcome and please keep the private messages coming, speaking up is speaking up! Much love!

Till tomorrow folks!


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