Day 21. The fight back gathers pace again.

First I’d like to say to all of the guys and well wishers who’ve PM’d me that I appreciate all of the awesome messages and the trust put in to me to stay confidential! There’s a lot of relatable topics in every single private message and of course, I will offer all of the advice that I can. Although this helps me personally, I would really like you all to consider posting on the blog, take a big step and contribute something no matter how big or small because other people can then benefit from your contribution and help me prove it’s now socially acceptable to not be ok and it’s ok to speak up with out the fear or judgement. I’m living proof of what I just wrote, you can track these posts through my profile. The support, knowledge, motivation, drive and passion to push harder every day is down to the fact that I chose not to hide any more. I’ll leave that there chaps and invite you to join the comments at your leisure should you choose to.

Happy Sunday! Yes I’m up early, feeling great and actually happier than yesterday. I see a pattern forming, I seem to get happier every day until I crash so I’ll keep an eye on that.

I learned a great deal yesterday, almost too much to write but for the first time in my life I was lost for words, I think the word is flabbergasted that I used. I’d ended up with PM’s from 28 different people, most of which were just full of praise, directed at me!? Some of the descriptive words used to describe me put me on a pedestal way up above where I belong and I’m not used to hearing, although, extremely kind and I’ll take it. Fact is that selfishly I’m doing this for myself first and foremost. I have to be selfish first because I’m a long way from being fixed and I’m in recovery. Anything above and beyond that, any help or advice comes from the heart and I genuinely want to help everybody. You all rockšŸ¤˜

So, yesterday I did my small goals, shit, showered and tidied my room, although I don’t make a mess really. I haven’t since my time at DYRMS and have made my bed every morning since I can remember no matter how I feel. There’s an achievement there that’s taken every single day without thinking. Why? Routine. I’ll leave that there.

Routine, something for me to start working on. The more often you do something repetitive, the more you don’t realise you’re doing it and and eventually you do it with out thinking. My daily routine has been hit and miss but it’s something that I’m going to work hard on this week, once I nail it, I reckon the free space to utilise in my brain will help me focus on the next task faster.

Now, this isn’t about speed. Every single person I’ve spoken to or commented on a blog has had one common link. That is to slow down a little and take it one day at a time. It’s extremely difficult for me to slow down, I’m naturally high all of the time. I don’t drink caffeine so no tea, coffee, energy drinks. In fact I only drink 3 different liquids, iced water, Coke Zero and fresh orange juice. That’s it. No alcohol either. Yeah I know sad git.

If I drank a coffee now, NASA could use my energy to leave the solar system. Anyway, one day at a time, bit by bit. Difficult for me but I need to focus on lowering my pace, I have to, nobody else can keep up. Seriously though, it’s important, I need to give my head time to process all of the new knowledge and focus on the routine and finer points of the fight back that would normally be overlooked.

Today is going to be amazing! I’m going to cook for my comrades and I think it’s roast chicken, I also managed to get some fresh rhubarb so I’ll knock a nice crumble up for dessert! If I can take a couple of pictures for you folks I will.

If you’ve read this and enjoyed it, please hit the like button before whizzing off, it let’s me get a rough idea how many are following my journey now. Any ideas or suggestions are encouraged because the more I expand my knowledge base, the faster I may get better, at least give me a fighting chance to beat this rubbish, awful illness! On the last note, the black mangy mongrel is from now on to be called Cujo. There is a great meaning behind it, I WAS schooled on it yesterday, but now I can’t remember if film or book, directors name or author…..Shit I’m going to get bashed for forgetting.

Thanks for all of the awesome support and well wishes, together we will win this battle and I couldn’t do it with out you all. Much love

Till tomorrow folks…


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